I let the painting sit in the above state for a while until I finally got up the confidence to commit to actually finishing the piece. I am much newer to painting than I am to jewelry making, and sometimes I let the uncertainty of not knowing whether or not I'll be able to translate my mind's desire for a piece into reality overwhelm me.
The first stages of working on a painting, before I know whether or not I will be satisfied with the final product, are pretty daunting to me and I really have to focus in order to push through my feelings of self-doubt. I guess this sensation probably applies to many other experiences that people encounter, like an amateur runner as she starts a long run, before she settles into a flow.
I've also had a similar experience recently with beginning a new job. Even though I can consciously tell myself that it is OK to make mistakes and to feel unsure of myself at work while I learn the ropes, I am so anxious to get to the point where I actually own the confidence I try to project at work.
With my button jar painting, eventually as I pushed through the brush strokes that I wasn't sure of, attempting to paint both impulsively and intuitively, I found that I had created something that I was happy with. There wasn't a specific touch or detail added which moved me into this new ground of the painting, but somewhere as I immersed myself in the process the painting came to be.
I'm hoping that this will happen at my job as well, that one day I will recognize that I have gradually moved from feeling like I have to go through the motions in order for them to feel natural to the motions actually being natural.
